The Myth of Having It All Figured Out
People sometimes ask me, "Do you have it all figured out?"
I laugh every time.
No. God, no. I'm navigating the same questions as everyone else. What kind of life do I want? Am I being honest with myself? Am I spending my time on what matters? Am I being the person I want to be?
The difference isn't that I have answers. It's that I've stopped expecting to have answers. I've made peace with the ongoing nature of the inquiry.
The Destination Myth
We're sold a story: do the work, reach the destination, live happily ever after. The destination is called "having it figured out." Once you arrive, the struggle ends. You know who you are. You know what you want. You're done.
This is a myth. A harmful one.
Because when we believe in the destination, we think we're failing when we keep having questions. We think there's something wrong with us when life stays messy and complicated and uncertain. We think everyone else has arrived at a place we can't find.
But there is no arrival. There's only ongoing engagement with life.
What I've Actually Learned
Here's what I know after years of doing my own work and sitting with others doing theirs:
- •The questions don't go away. They evolve.
- •Clarity is temporary. And that's okay.
- •You can be confident and uncertain at the same time.
- •Having it together and falling apart can happen in the same week.
- •The point isn't to stop struggling. It's to struggle with things that matter.
Why This Is Good News
If you've been waiting to feel "ready" or "done" or "figured out," I want to release you from that expectation. You don't have to be any of those things to live a meaningful life.
What you need is:
- •Willingness to engage with the questions
- •Tools for navigating uncertainty
- •Community for the journey
- •Courage to keep going when it's hard
That's it. That's the whole game.
The Ongoing Practice
I think of life as a practice, not a performance. You don't perfect it. You don't win at it. You just keep showing up, doing your best, learning from what happens, adjusting course.
Some days you're clear. Some days you're lost. Some days you feel like you've got it. Some days you wonder what the hell you're doing. All of this is normal. All of this is part of it.
The goal isn't to get somewhere. The goal is to be fully here—awake, engaged, honest with yourself—wherever you are.
Coming Home
Come home to yourself. Be here, in this moment. Start now, with whatever you have.
That's the invitation. It doesn't require having anything figured out. It just requires showing up.
Are you ready to stop waiting for arrival and start living the practice?